My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
