I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
