I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
