quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
