i need an iv and a liver transplant
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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