I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
