"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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