A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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