I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
