she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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