allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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