Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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