don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
