I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize