WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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