I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i think my cat just said my name.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
