You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
