so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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