You work out of a Hotel?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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