Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
