The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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