I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
