We won't sleep together?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
