As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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