And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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