If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
