there's paper in my vomit.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
