epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
