what day is it and did you see me today?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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