Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
