i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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