I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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