You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
