he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
