If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
