u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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