OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
