Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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