Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
