how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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