sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
