i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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