so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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