Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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