So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
