im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
