Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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