my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
