I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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