I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He better not be in your backpack
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
