Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
