I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
