you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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