She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
