Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i dont even know how to be here
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize